a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
