Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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