Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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