I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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