if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
