I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
