So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
