i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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