There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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