I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
