when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
