I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
