my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
