You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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