I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
