the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
BRING THE BAGELS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
