there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
