I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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