i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
