i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
