How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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