btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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