wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
