i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
