Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
