someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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