i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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