after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
