My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
