you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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