I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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