The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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