Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
