Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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