I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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