im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
