I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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