Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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