Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize