btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
