just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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