Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
