yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
