I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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