im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
