When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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