Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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