i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
