Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize