My girlfriend figured out who you are.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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