I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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