Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
