This is not my ceiling
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize