I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
