I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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