1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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