Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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