I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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