Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
