She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
