Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
