im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
