im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize