I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
