I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
