The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize