She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize