i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I will die if light touches me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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