Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
