My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize