can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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